tips for living the dream

i would like to let you all know an insiders view of running a successful bar, therefore ejaculating in miss america's spread eagle, making one look as this ;-)
rule # 1 is the most important rule for making the wet dream happen: sell out. you must sell out, and become a very sad, lonely human profiting on alcoholics and gambling addicts alike. Your ego must be protected like a fortress, letting no trojan horse into your vagina.


gamblers need entertainment. many gamblers are scoozeballs, and like to finger workers publicly for a ticket. this worker must be willing to be fingered. (very important)

--Come on now ed, you're taking this too far. bars do not perpetuate abuse of the body, i mean i've never seen this happen in the bar i'm at, and it's absurd to think it happens. would you tone down the exaggerations?

NO. Bars are ment for the abusive. they are meant for lonely souls to finger and be fingered publicly. the drunken people of america need a place where rubbing middle aged women is accepted. enough said.

Rule #2 goes along with the thesis of selling-out. sell out. sell out the best way possible, and put beer advertisements in every nook and cranny visible. this will grant you free tables, barstools, coasters, and signs advertising the slutty middle-aged meat raffle woman.

Rule #3 free entertainment. no matter the quality, just let it be free.

Ed, don't you work for a bar, and don't you get paid a lot of money?

yeah....

So, you're pretty much shooting yourself in the foot right here, aren't you? i mean, talking bad about bars and all that? what's your logic.

god dammit, you fucking idiot. making me explain myself all the time. i really hate that side of you, Wade. my logic is that i'm telling someone looking to open up a bar the prime things that you need to do. talking down to it is putting it into a context in which idiots can see. selling out= living the american dream. If you want to become a rich american, i'm telling you how you can do it.

so get out there kids, and knock america up with semen, and out will come money--like an ATM.

rancid stomach burns gum.