Things that should happen

1. the flaming lips play "in a priest driven ambulance" front to back live
2. a silent play with subtitles with a live score by animal collective
3. the term post-modern becomes obsolete
4. hank the third comes out with a r and b crossover album featuring stevie wonder
5. someone buys me a galaga arcade system
6. turn the drinking age from 21 to 20 and a quarter
7. get rid of the penny
8. teach muay thai in school
9. water flavored candy
10. real anti-gravity
gotta go

totally looks like...

this one is the best^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

babe's boobs bash

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why 80s hair bands are like your lame little cousin

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
these are your lame little cousins (especially the one on the far right)


~they both run around in gay underwear type things all day screaming "jump!"
~you can't get rid of them no matter how hard you try
~everyone older than you still likes them, even though they're obviously really shitty people
~they get all the attention
~lame ass haircuts/hair dyes
~childish behavior
~they both are shitty musicians
~they deserve B level celebrity status at best, with a guest spot on a VH1 reality tv show
~they should be shot and/or brutally maimed with a garden hoe
~drug issues
~youd think by the way they dress, dance, sing, and play, that they are for sure gay, but you can't really be sure.

scooters, vacation, fall

yo smack attack cummin back like jack on jack
scooterin like boulala and your on the back
here, im like a hare, hip hoppin and screwin like an auger
through ice theres water, fish and weed
youre lame like h. potter, phish, and creed
im raw like sars, squish, and boss tweed
look it up, crime nuts. fucked up like cig butts
butts nuts cock block crack rack pussy cat
ratt poison on the flaunt and kate's gone in a month
what a stunt good luck ya skinny.... (rhymes with runt)
bring back a leiderhosen for me to john grisham them ho's in
forever grateful i will be, dead as the black sea you will see
thats a pirates life for me, and im on a vacation
i wanna do some crunchin like its bacon
crash bandacoot and coots old as redwood roots
my boots is fly and you cant handle the truth
cause i kill a handle, stay up all night then rouse a rooster
he like yo, im a cock but your off your rocker
like a real show stopper-cyndi lauper
im like yea boy now a-doodle doo your whole farm
before i kill you and cook you till your warm
thats not vegan, and im turning colors like its fall
green and queezy, tilt then whirl then hurl then ball
cryin like orbison and crashin like holly
lonesome like williams, and changin like bowie
smack like ed and pollack like harrington
thats what i do, and i do just like everyone
the only difference is that i'm the chosen one
like jesus im our savior
from phony ass rappers with taste but no flavor

im a dude, shes a dude, hes a dude, cause we're all dudes.

And more reasons why skate videos are like porn

they both give me a boner
the sound effects are essential
new tricks are always received well
fish eye lenses
only guys like them
only guys make them
(i guess i should insert elissa steamer in here somewhere, she crosses boundries, and probably also likes hardcore fisting like the rest of us dudes)
slapping tail
everyone tries to outdo each other with moves
you can't always get rid of your skate (and otherwise) boner by just not watching
busting on hips
"pole jamming"
sex and skating are illegal on private property
the people are cool
its an art form
you watch it with your guy friends sometimes, even though it can be awkward that one or more of them don't skate. i try to avoid people who dont skate, because they seem like a liability. like i am going to influence them into doing something, for lack of better terminology, un-kosher.

basically, i think that there should be a porn-skate video, that, the skating is part of the corny porn plot. like, chad muska gets home from a hard days skate (thats the skate part) to a house of screaming girls that want nothing more than his "circa" tatooed dick. then chad muska himself screws "barely legal" teens hardcore.

let me know how we can get into production of this. it will be sponsored by airwalk and bangbros.com

Stripes!

ever seen the movie stripes? Bill Murray. ghost bustin ass bill murray.

without further or due, i present the EM-50 Urban assult vehicle! "This is one heavily armed recreational vehicle."


and another, here,
and the big finale...
BOOM BABY.
yeah, so today some dudes came in to the bar that claimed that their GMC camper whatchamacallit was the one used in the movie. it seemed legit, considering their were some original artifacts left over from the movie. like some stickers and shit i guess. there warn't any guns or missals or girls in there, though, and bill murry was only seen on the VHS copy of the movie.
that movie is classic, by the way. and by "that movie" i mean "Bill Murray" is classic.