shantlebanterant

right now, im on my blog period; every 30 days, i have my period and am forced by my vagina to blog and blog and blog some more.

so much for menstruating.
MORE BLOG!!!!
Heres a question for all the lady blog readers--what does, "lavender in the mix," mean to you?
what it means to me is, "time to get freaky with a blender full of cough syrup. and... wait a sec... oh, i mean a gay magazine. kind of like this color, eh? Gay, right?"
eh? ehh?? what about "candles"? what does that mean to you?
what it means to me is, "time to light the menorah; find treasure, and finally, make like jerry seinfeld's cartoon career and go extinct. "

bad jokes, right? well have i got something to show you:


treasure candles--myth? or fact?
that's right, these puppies are real. how many people dreams just came true?? it's hard to believe that there is such a thing, and its so much fun!! so much in fact, that i have sat around a candle for its entirety just to get the charms, and golly, wasn't it exciting.

and now, for something completely different:






UP FROM THE 36 CHAMBERS

guess who's back mo fo's? back in action. til the day i die, die die.

what to say? i've had a lot of zany times while i was away, most of them meth induced. thats right people, METH.

So anyways, i was walking down grand avenue, when i had an epiphany; my goal in life was to go to the loon, buy a scratch off and win as much money as possible. i won $5 dollars, and found out that my purpose in life was meaningless. But i found a way better, more cost efficient life purpose! it was to make as many babies as possible. Any lady, anywhere, anytime. i walked down lyndale until i saw my first lady. i said, "hey lady, you want to have my babies?" she said, "no, but thats a real nice ski mask."

that was about the time i realized that i couldn't possibly get every girl i see pregnant.

i was depressed. i went to bobs java hut and punched a biker in the face. i felt better after that, but i needed to punch someone else. Preferably someone way way weaker then me. right then, i saw a little bitch hipster whom i immediately wanted to punch. i said, "hey little bitch ass hipster... fuck you!" he walked over to me pissed off as hell. i punched him squaa in the nose. he was gushing blood, but somehow i was not fulfilled. I said sorry and walked away, because he wasn't deserving of my punches.


"What to do, what to do," i said to myself, "think Ed, what should you do today?" it was then i discovered i had a gun in my pocket. i thought, "man i was wasted last night. well, i have a gun, i guess i have to shoot it." what a plan! so i walked down to the local urban outfitters to try on the gun. it looked good on me. so good, i shot the mirror. BAM! they kicked me out; i was pissed. i said, " fuck you, you cocksuckers, i didn't do anything" which was false, because i hit the mannequin behind the mirror. "boo hoo"
i said, "for you." IDGAFFFUO (i don't give a flying fuck for urban outfitters) anyways.



And now, for something completely different:






good day

ohhh, hold up.

yo this rap is dedicated to the officionado of rap flow, Dr. Hambone from CHI town.
yo yo yo i slap your face with my words like a dick
all you can do after that is get sick
i mean ick
yall can't handle my spits like acid makes ya trip
and fall down the stairs and down the hall
patty melt with some mushrooms
im the best man, but im hitting on your girl, grooms.
im like typhoons whirling shit all around
you cant see ground
flooding you with mad inspiration like it was perspiration
i sweat ideas, i've met the president of love
and presently hes at my door out of love
sad sight, up at night, with some ho's, taking no doze, blacking out, teethy grit
im hardcore like i've eaten bronze apples
i dont grapple, free hands minneapple!
like blue tooth.
not enough time to catch my flow? see it on my show, it was on an hour ago
it's called, "Smack In Action" on TNT
because im dy-no-mite
and high like a kite
cut my string and ill fly away from here
im not here

Give me a call for love i can't hide

This is a blog guest authored by Wade N. Water about concerns in the middle east and beyond.

obviously many of Ed's readers are as un-intelligent and self centered as Ed himself, because of how insensitive they are to problems plaguing our world and changing mother earth's "DNA," proving that americans as a whole don't mind ruining our earth and those who inhabit it. Ed talks about chopping heads off, masturbating and copulating with women all the time in his raps (if that's what you call them), when instead he should be talking about community and loving thy neighbor. Why is it, Ed, that you should think so self centeredly? do you not care about anything but swillin' forties and "hooking up like Cunningham to Carter?" it makes me ill to think you aren't active in world progress, and you should probably rot in hell. seriously, i love you, but only as much as one step cousin can. you push my buttons so hard that they stay stuck for days and i can't focus on anything that i do because i'm so fucking pissed off at you and everything that you objectify. which is everything--everything that you touch turns into yours somehow and you won't let it go, you selfish bastard, look at yourself. you can't even tie your own shoes so you started a brand that only sells slip-ons and velcro. I just fucking hate you so much most of the time because you treat me like shit and always talk shit at me in your raps and it hurts really bad. i dont melt like lard, and you know it.
and now in the words of Alan Jackson,
Remember when I was young and so were you
and time stood still and love was all we knew
You were the first, so was I
We made love and then you cried
Remember when
and also, Disturbed,
Sensation washes over me
I can't describe it
Pain I felt so long ago
I don't remember
Tear a hole so I can see
My devastation
Feelings from so long ago
I don't remember
I couldn't say it better, so i used these lyrics to reach out.
this has been emotional for me, and Ed i love you too much, it kills me. like alan jackson and disturbed.

agamaba yah trick

claw'n mother fuckers like a falcon
talons so sharp its like i'm cutting air
bitches step at me but stop like aerobics
looking stupid like pilates
pirates say arrr but im raw like meat butchered yesterday
splat slip slack smack attack on ya back like whack
crap is what you look like
you nutty friend, and im tryin ta crush you to butter
crash the car into the barn
sweaters made from yarn
clasp pinch on yo nipple
shockin you 10,000 volts make yo brain ripple
the wake is big so you can mctwist
weight sacks is phat like pregnant
eating up pudding and cant stop til you belligerant
on sugar and cocoa leaves baking soda crack
freebasin is like a liberated floor
in the ocean with them lectric eels
lecture cutin like a peachy professor
smother you brother with a pillow filled with love
puffy and i comb like im a bad boy
criss cross you x marks the spot
that ill swipe your treasure and leave you to rot
in debt forever, lets go off to never never
hook aint got shit on my swordsmanship
im beating mother, yo is it better to born a crip or become a crip later?
im down like a clown charlie bbbrrrrooow ch ch charlie browww
unibrow like an eastern european
drink too much brew and european
cramm blamm test you like a tube
crack you like glass
and break backs with a slap and a clap
the clap got you pissin needles
im spittin shanks like sophies family
making yall bleed like hemopheliacs
donate dont hate relate and phuck fate
phospherous blocks r us linking logs big red purple blue black white no bras
blogs word to your mother if she out there like space
skeet on your face and belate your birthday
ray, you cant major in conspiracy piracy is illegal like drugs
bust through your window got metallica at your throat with a knife
it maybe trife but thats life like the game
go to college be a doctor wait for payday
have a payday like elephants love that shit
mo's here, so i better quit it's over wit.

in the year 2000...

...there will be rotating buildings completely powered by solar and wind energy.
http://www.mydigitallife.info/2007/05/25/futuristic-rotating-tower-skyscraper-in-dubai/

donald trump will sponsor many blockbusted real estate deals making him more and more filthy rich

the kentucky derby is today

sorry for these sad pictures of horses falling. "its depressing", as Clare would say. *sigh*

"you and i forever" is my favorite horse's name.
he lost. probably due to his weak name.

lame ass game: http://www.gwn.com/news/story.php/id/11933/G1_Jockey_Wii_Details.html

lame ass bar joke: "you know where the money is now? syphen pumps"
lame ass response: "hahahahahahahhahahahah" lol lol lol

good quote from drunk dude i got last night. something like "if you dont gimme a winner, ill beat you like a red headed step-child" as well as this gem "your killing me. leave me with a few dollars to get beers and drown my sorrows"

fuck this song. this dude loves this song and it sucks ass. its got a one noted 25 second feedback part and it sucks. its one of those dramatic blues songs with melencholy guitar fills that suck ass.
i feel like being GG Allin right now, and sing, "suck my ass it smells" and getting naked and shitting and throwing shit on people.

no not really. heres a sweet website: www.freerice.com
super addictive.

everyone but one man has left the bar. people want to be outside and have picknics and play basketball, hackey sack, smoke weed, drink sangria all in the fresh air. all i want right now, is to blog outside. only 2.5 hours of fun left.