EIT

nom

om nom nom

EIT VS. TVC PART III

EIT VS. TVC PART III

everything is terrible

SLOTH

tanks. lots of tanks.

tankyu tankyu tankyu tankyu tankyu two ever'one eenvolved een my cre'tive pro-sess, and een my lieeffe!!!

this was the last sentence anyone has ever heard from monsiur crete-du-juir, on may 15th 2008. first reported as a missing persons case, the police of brest, france had only one lead in finding Jacque Crete-du-juir: his moustache.

his moustace is one of a kind, that not only looks as if he were in a movie, but smells like he was in a porno--that is, he was the brests most infamous french tickler, and his moustace had it's own porno persona named le FUZZ.

le fuzz had many enemies. he was a convicted alduturer, spent most of his time in underground sex rings, and contracted many diseases down under (...monsiur's mouth), and when his partner's spouse found out that their significant other was involved in underground sex rings, involved with the most infamous moustache in the country, and that their wives and husband's now have herpes of the mouth, enemies were made, vendettas were sworn, and le fuzz was taken hostage.

months of torture--no oral sex--had it's toll on le fuzz, however very little effect on crete-du-juir. crete-du-jour had a confortable stay with his captors. Le FUZZ was subject to horrible tortures--waxing, putting gum in it and ripping it out, dried honey and gravy combed out-- given by the husbands and wives who lay victim to his seduction.

le fuzz perished, but monsiur crete-du-jour lived, but has since not been seen any where in france, or the tri country area. where is he?

france's police force has worked strenuously on the case, but to date have not gotten necessary clue's to monsiur crete's whereabouts.

"today is a new day," they say "crete will be found, by whatever means and measures!"

that was yesterday, but today, they have gone to some very extreme measures...

a tiger, a lion, a bear, a wolf, and a cheetah have all been let loose in france's rhone forest, and police hope to yeild at least a somewhat better idea of crete du juirs whereabouts, dead or alive.

"it's our last ditch effort: he must be found."

du juir's head was brought to police sometime after the wild animal's release, and it is undetermined which animal or animals have maimed and eaten him, but authorities assure the media that it was a very brutal bloody affair--citezens are relieved.

also....

wtf.... mad props to chris for this awesome moment captured, otherwise, i want to become a male cheerleader, and funny animal pictures are always acceptable.

no more bullshit. this is getting real

yeah, about that title; not real. not real, just like everything else on this blog. it looks like i actually rap, but its just words that don't make sense, and therefore cannot be real. while we are on the subject of the metaphysics of Harringtonn, i want to begin a series called "explorations of nothingness" where i describe and define things that are made of nothing. how will i do that? you ask. good question, and i don't have an answer. i don't need one. if something is nothing, then it can be described until your brain hemorrhages and you die, it still is both something and nothing at the same time, with imaginary details. for example, love is not real. it is nothing. there is no scientific evidence that proves love is real, because it is not measurable. however, we know that things connotated with love are real like boners and general horniness, but these can be effect of something unrelated. (morning wood for example, or the old "class clown") i guess the point to this "real or not real" expose is to get the general reading public (you) to think about arbitrary things that can be debated to be real or not real, but effect our lives very much.

what do you say?

Things that should happen

1. the flaming lips play "in a priest driven ambulance" front to back live
2. a silent play with subtitles with a live score by animal collective
3. the term post-modern becomes obsolete
4. hank the third comes out with a r and b crossover album featuring stevie wonder
5. someone buys me a galaga arcade system
6. turn the drinking age from 21 to 20 and a quarter
7. get rid of the penny
8. teach muay thai in school
9. water flavored candy
10. real anti-gravity
gotta go

totally looks like...

this one is the best^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

babe's boobs bash

Video Recaps | Full Episodes | Webisodes

why 80s hair bands are like your lame little cousin

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
these are your lame little cousins (especially the one on the far right)


~they both run around in gay underwear type things all day screaming "jump!"
~you can't get rid of them no matter how hard you try
~everyone older than you still likes them, even though they're obviously really shitty people
~they get all the attention
~lame ass haircuts/hair dyes
~childish behavior
~they both are shitty musicians
~they deserve B level celebrity status at best, with a guest spot on a VH1 reality tv show
~they should be shot and/or brutally maimed with a garden hoe
~drug issues
~youd think by the way they dress, dance, sing, and play, that they are for sure gay, but you can't really be sure.

scooters, vacation, fall

yo smack attack cummin back like jack on jack
scooterin like boulala and your on the back
here, im like a hare, hip hoppin and screwin like an auger
through ice theres water, fish and weed
youre lame like h. potter, phish, and creed
im raw like sars, squish, and boss tweed
look it up, crime nuts. fucked up like cig butts
butts nuts cock block crack rack pussy cat
ratt poison on the flaunt and kate's gone in a month
what a stunt good luck ya skinny.... (rhymes with runt)
bring back a leiderhosen for me to john grisham them ho's in
forever grateful i will be, dead as the black sea you will see
thats a pirates life for me, and im on a vacation
i wanna do some crunchin like its bacon
crash bandacoot and coots old as redwood roots
my boots is fly and you cant handle the truth
cause i kill a handle, stay up all night then rouse a rooster
he like yo, im a cock but your off your rocker
like a real show stopper-cyndi lauper
im like yea boy now a-doodle doo your whole farm
before i kill you and cook you till your warm
thats not vegan, and im turning colors like its fall
green and queezy, tilt then whirl then hurl then ball
cryin like orbison and crashin like holly
lonesome like williams, and changin like bowie
smack like ed and pollack like harrington
thats what i do, and i do just like everyone
the only difference is that i'm the chosen one
like jesus im our savior
from phony ass rappers with taste but no flavor

im a dude, shes a dude, hes a dude, cause we're all dudes.

And more reasons why skate videos are like porn

they both give me a boner
the sound effects are essential
new tricks are always received well
fish eye lenses
only guys like them
only guys make them
(i guess i should insert elissa steamer in here somewhere, she crosses boundries, and probably also likes hardcore fisting like the rest of us dudes)
slapping tail
everyone tries to outdo each other with moves
you can't always get rid of your skate (and otherwise) boner by just not watching
busting on hips
"pole jamming"
sex and skating are illegal on private property
the people are cool
its an art form
you watch it with your guy friends sometimes, even though it can be awkward that one or more of them don't skate. i try to avoid people who dont skate, because they seem like a liability. like i am going to influence them into doing something, for lack of better terminology, un-kosher.

basically, i think that there should be a porn-skate video, that, the skating is part of the corny porn plot. like, chad muska gets home from a hard days skate (thats the skate part) to a house of screaming girls that want nothing more than his "circa" tatooed dick. then chad muska himself screws "barely legal" teens hardcore.

let me know how we can get into production of this. it will be sponsored by airwalk and bangbros.com

Stripes!

ever seen the movie stripes? Bill Murray. ghost bustin ass bill murray.

without further or due, i present the EM-50 Urban assult vehicle! "This is one heavily armed recreational vehicle."


and another, here,
and the big finale...
BOOM BABY.
yeah, so today some dudes came in to the bar that claimed that their GMC camper whatchamacallit was the one used in the movie. it seemed legit, considering their were some original artifacts left over from the movie. like some stickers and shit i guess. there warn't any guns or missals or girls in there, though, and bill murry was only seen on the VHS copy of the movie.
that movie is classic, by the way. and by "that movie" i mean "Bill Murray" is classic.

shantlebanterant

right now, im on my blog period; every 30 days, i have my period and am forced by my vagina to blog and blog and blog some more.

so much for menstruating.
MORE BLOG!!!!
Heres a question for all the lady blog readers--what does, "lavender in the mix," mean to you?
what it means to me is, "time to get freaky with a blender full of cough syrup. and... wait a sec... oh, i mean a gay magazine. kind of like this color, eh? Gay, right?"
eh? ehh?? what about "candles"? what does that mean to you?
what it means to me is, "time to light the menorah; find treasure, and finally, make like jerry seinfeld's cartoon career and go extinct. "

bad jokes, right? well have i got something to show you:


treasure candles--myth? or fact?
that's right, these puppies are real. how many people dreams just came true?? it's hard to believe that there is such a thing, and its so much fun!! so much in fact, that i have sat around a candle for its entirety just to get the charms, and golly, wasn't it exciting.

and now, for something completely different:






UP FROM THE 36 CHAMBERS

guess who's back mo fo's? back in action. til the day i die, die die.

what to say? i've had a lot of zany times while i was away, most of them meth induced. thats right people, METH.

So anyways, i was walking down grand avenue, when i had an epiphany; my goal in life was to go to the loon, buy a scratch off and win as much money as possible. i won $5 dollars, and found out that my purpose in life was meaningless. But i found a way better, more cost efficient life purpose! it was to make as many babies as possible. Any lady, anywhere, anytime. i walked down lyndale until i saw my first lady. i said, "hey lady, you want to have my babies?" she said, "no, but thats a real nice ski mask."

that was about the time i realized that i couldn't possibly get every girl i see pregnant.

i was depressed. i went to bobs java hut and punched a biker in the face. i felt better after that, but i needed to punch someone else. Preferably someone way way weaker then me. right then, i saw a little bitch hipster whom i immediately wanted to punch. i said, "hey little bitch ass hipster... fuck you!" he walked over to me pissed off as hell. i punched him squaa in the nose. he was gushing blood, but somehow i was not fulfilled. I said sorry and walked away, because he wasn't deserving of my punches.


"What to do, what to do," i said to myself, "think Ed, what should you do today?" it was then i discovered i had a gun in my pocket. i thought, "man i was wasted last night. well, i have a gun, i guess i have to shoot it." what a plan! so i walked down to the local urban outfitters to try on the gun. it looked good on me. so good, i shot the mirror. BAM! they kicked me out; i was pissed. i said, " fuck you, you cocksuckers, i didn't do anything" which was false, because i hit the mannequin behind the mirror. "boo hoo"
i said, "for you." IDGAFFFUO (i don't give a flying fuck for urban outfitters) anyways.



And now, for something completely different:






good day

ohhh, hold up.

yo this rap is dedicated to the officionado of rap flow, Dr. Hambone from CHI town.
yo yo yo i slap your face with my words like a dick
all you can do after that is get sick
i mean ick
yall can't handle my spits like acid makes ya trip
and fall down the stairs and down the hall
patty melt with some mushrooms
im the best man, but im hitting on your girl, grooms.
im like typhoons whirling shit all around
you cant see ground
flooding you with mad inspiration like it was perspiration
i sweat ideas, i've met the president of love
and presently hes at my door out of love
sad sight, up at night, with some ho's, taking no doze, blacking out, teethy grit
im hardcore like i've eaten bronze apples
i dont grapple, free hands minneapple!
like blue tooth.
not enough time to catch my flow? see it on my show, it was on an hour ago
it's called, "Smack In Action" on TNT
because im dy-no-mite
and high like a kite
cut my string and ill fly away from here
im not here

Give me a call for love i can't hide

This is a blog guest authored by Wade N. Water about concerns in the middle east and beyond.

obviously many of Ed's readers are as un-intelligent and self centered as Ed himself, because of how insensitive they are to problems plaguing our world and changing mother earth's "DNA," proving that americans as a whole don't mind ruining our earth and those who inhabit it. Ed talks about chopping heads off, masturbating and copulating with women all the time in his raps (if that's what you call them), when instead he should be talking about community and loving thy neighbor. Why is it, Ed, that you should think so self centeredly? do you not care about anything but swillin' forties and "hooking up like Cunningham to Carter?" it makes me ill to think you aren't active in world progress, and you should probably rot in hell. seriously, i love you, but only as much as one step cousin can. you push my buttons so hard that they stay stuck for days and i can't focus on anything that i do because i'm so fucking pissed off at you and everything that you objectify. which is everything--everything that you touch turns into yours somehow and you won't let it go, you selfish bastard, look at yourself. you can't even tie your own shoes so you started a brand that only sells slip-ons and velcro. I just fucking hate you so much most of the time because you treat me like shit and always talk shit at me in your raps and it hurts really bad. i dont melt like lard, and you know it.
and now in the words of Alan Jackson,
Remember when I was young and so were you
and time stood still and love was all we knew
You were the first, so was I
We made love and then you cried
Remember when
and also, Disturbed,
Sensation washes over me
I can't describe it
Pain I felt so long ago
I don't remember
Tear a hole so I can see
My devastation
Feelings from so long ago
I don't remember
I couldn't say it better, so i used these lyrics to reach out.
this has been emotional for me, and Ed i love you too much, it kills me. like alan jackson and disturbed.